This is just a regular post, but I read it, and I don’t know maybe I can make it into a short story
Darling, I miss you. We didn’t get to do anything because I had so much work and we both lack in the transportation department. Why must you live so far? Tomorrow I’m going to a clinic. I’ve written you so much. I’m sure I’ve written you over one hundred things.
Today I read a letter my friend wrote to her boyfriend. It was for the 11 months or one year. We were right letters like that when we first started dating. Our letters are always consumed with “My heart will always beat for you.” “Our relationship is convoluted as Gabriel Garcia Marquez.” “I bask in the thought of seeing your face”. Maybe our relationship was very abnormal. We’re so passionate, my words don’t suffice for this. Yesterday I called you after not speaking for about a day. We spoke till one in the morning. You begged me to stop hurting myself, to stop worrying you, to take care of myself. A promise isn’t enough, I have to want to take care of myself. I said I would get better. You think it’ll pass and you think I’m doing this on purpose. I’m not. I still have thoughts of hurting myself. I still want to. I still want to give up. It’s not you anymore. I can’t help it. I’m scared of everything.
I feel like I haven’t see you in centuries.
My darling,
You assure me every day that things will get better. You tell me you will never leave me, you will always be here. I am waiting for things to get better. I get up each morning, and I go to school, and I go home, and I fall asleep, and I continue this. I feel my mind growing tired. I feel my anger consuming me and I take it out on everybody. I am irritable. It is difficult to be around people. I can’t compose myself and I can’t do this without cracking. As much as it dismays me to admit it, this was my life: my grades, my boyfriend, coping. All of a sudden, I stopped caring about everything. I need you, so badly. You don’t know how badly. Everyday the thought that I could crawl into your bed and feel your arms wrap around me and your lips meet the back of my neck. I lay in bed at night and I feel you holding me and singing to me, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…” And I can feel your warm hands caressing me. I fall asleep to the thoughts. But the thoughts aren’t enough. Even these thoughts can’t keep my pain away.
